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Kappa Sigma
Kappa Sigma (KΣ) (nicknamed Kappa Sig) is a fraternity on campus housed at P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way. History Rumors persist that Kappa Sigma traveled through time to build the pyramids. Representatives from the Stanford chapter (Beta-Zeta) deny this. Recent history The Stanford chapter (Beta-Zeta) was recently placed on double secret probation following a highly-authentic Roman orgy held in their Stanford house. Though the actual orgy was conducted in full compliance with local orgy ordinances, authorities found their (admittedly minimal) use of prophylactics to be "historically inaccurate." Philosophy Kappa Sigma was founded on four pillars: Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water. Noticeably absent was Heart, which was ignored for various planetological reasons. Notable Kappa Sigs Businessmen *Craig Barrett (Beta Zeta) CEO, Intel. *William Hewlett (Beta-Zeta) Founder, Hewlett-Packard. Sportsmen *Jerry Jones (Xi) Owner, Dallas Cowboys. *Justin Vincent (Gamma) Former dark horse candidate for Heisman Trophy in 2004, Future Rookie of the Year with the Atlanta Falcons. *Lamar Hunt (Delta-Pi) Owner, Kansas City Chiefs. Founder, American Football League. *Bob Zuppke (Alpha-Gamma) Member of the College Football Hall of Fame. Innovator of the Huddle and Flea Flicker. Villains *Boris Badenough (Delta-Xi) Hated Moose and Squirrel. *Cobra Commander (Gamma-Epsilon) Led the opposition against Real American Heroes. *Wile E. Coyote (Upsilon-Iota) Famed bird hunter. Super-Villains *Lex Luthor (Beta-Zeta) Tried several times to kill Superman. Had a fetish for kryptonite, unparalleled power, and feet. *Joker (Alpha-Mu) Tried several times to kill Batman. *Gargamel (Mu-Nu) Tried several times to exterminate The Smurfs. Politicians *Bob Dole (Gamma-Omicron) United States Senator, Kansas. *Sonny Perdue (Beta-Lambda) Governor of Georgia. *Win Cadenhead (Delta-Chi) Governor of Mississippi. *Lee S. Dreyfus (Beta-Epsilon) Governor of Wisconsin. *David C. Treen (Sigma) Governor of Louisiana. Journalists *Edward R. Murrow (Gamma-Mu) Radio great. *Steve Kroft (Gamma Iota) Journalist, 60 Minutes. *Corey Riggs (Mu Rho) Sports Announcer, Missouri State University. Paleontologists *George Gaylord Simpson (Gamma-Gamma) Renowned penguin paleontologist. Once birthed a live Emperor Penguin. *Richard Owen (Alpha-Xi) Lived a paradoxical life. Loved Chinese food, hated the Chinese. *Gideon Mantell (Tau-Rho) Placed Bibles in hotels. Paleontologized Brine Shrimp. *Rinchen Barsbold (Lambda-Delta) Played the xylophone. *Georges Cuvier (Beta-Zeta) Tortured man. Beat his wife (at poker.) *Thomas Huxley (Gamma-Beta) Less famous brother of Aldous Huxley. *Dr. Reed Richards (Xi-Alpha) Led fantastic research on human bone structure. Was fantastic himself. *Steven Stanley (Lambda-Epsilon) Researched fossils under the Alaskan ice bridge. *Robert Ardrey (Beta-Zeta) Was 6'2" of solid man. *Stephen Jay Gould (Sigma-Nu) Monkey testicle expert. *David Raup (Pi-Phi) Bone expert. *Rousseau H. Flower (Kappa-Alpha) Hated his original name "Gary Smith," and thus changed it. Sadly, this occurred a fortnight before the eve of his death. *Donald Johanson (Mu-Iota) Enjoyed mojitos. Died of a sudden adult onset mint allergy. *Jack Sepkoski (Theta-Delta) Became a paleontologist after failing out of school. Lucked into tripping over the world's largest complete Triceratops skeleton. *Richard Leakey (Sigma-Chi) Research is under attack with experts pointing out the many holes in his findings. *Raymond Dart (Sigma-Alpha) Found the only intact Pterodactyl penis. *Robert Broom (Mu-Sigma) Unfortunately, due to recent findings, most of his work has been swept under the rug. *C.K. 'Bob' Brain (Kappa-Kappa) Ironically enough, 'Bob' was not a very bright individual. *Kenneth Oakley (Gamma-Rho) Had some pretty sweet glasses. Category:Social